Montepulciano: A guide to happiness (Part 1)

There are many churches in Montepulciano. I went to a few of them. I know there isn’t anything out of the world about going to a church in a Renaissance town of Italy. When there is the basilica in Barcelona and Duomo in Florence, what is a church in Montepulciano compared to that. There is however, a serenity there that is not present in places with a lot of tourists. There is quiet and there is if you can believe it, hope in these places.

Funny thing: I always pray in a church. I am not religious, but I always pray. Does that make me a hypocrite? Maybe. I make a choice to kneel down and say thank you and I ask for a little something in return. Ask for courage, for a way, for light, for a sign. Every single time. It is more habit than choice and one I really like. I don’t believe any of my wishes would come true, but in a church I can have faith that I will figure out a way. I can have hope.

I used to be more religious when I thought God was somehow watching. Slowly, over time I lost faith because too much of my thought process was negative. For my actions, I didn’t want to take responsibility and I passed out blame outward. It made me bitter. One fine day on the Almerian coast while walking on the beach, I started thinking that the universe is all-encompassing and indifferent. If it is truly indifferent, then the choice and its responsibility is all yours. After that it was no longer possible for me for me to be uncommitted for my actions. The bad things that have happened to me are a result of choices: some mine and some of others.

Make fewer choices. But, also make sure to remember that all life is choice.

How did my life in HK work? I didn’t feel any sense of choice. I had built systems such that I would wake up, go to the gym and then work until I fell asleep. I ordered food and ate at my desk. I tried to meet friends as often as possible on a Friday or Saturday so I could have a reason to go out. Even though, I loved my work more than anything in the world, it seemed to be the only significant thing in my life and that made me miserable. My life wasn’t being controlled by me. I was out of choice and, out of hope. This is what made me leave. The Claustrophobia.

Making choices all the time is also not good for you.

In my three weeks in Montepulciano, I didn’t have a gym so I had little reason to work out. After the first week, all physical activity became more infrequent and it didn’t make me feel good about myself. It makes me unhappy. I did fill my time with cooking dinners and drinking wine and working on things I really wanted but I know that somehow for my life to feel mine, it has to include some exercise. A full happy life for me needs that habit forced and the choice taken away. Some choices when taken away do simplify life and can make you happy.

Doing things that don’t make you happy immediately is very hard because we want to seek pleasure all the time. At the same time, doing things that help you long term are fulfilling. Human beings are strange that way. Following a diet of food that involves only kale and greens sounds terrible (for me at least) but, a diet that only has pizzas and hamburgers is also deadly). Quite literally.

As an adult, it is important to remember that like Mark Manson says: giving less fucks is a key to happiness. Giving less fucks = making less choices. I would go as far as to say for once, deciding high level actions (i.e. chose them once) and take away the daily choices on those.

Make the choices on things that truly matter to you. Choices that enrich your life. Choose to take a photography class, or read a history book, choose to go on without any internet for a few days, choose things that would actually give you something you can reflect and learn from.

I chose to leave and it was the best choice I have made till date. End of part 1.