Day 4: Trepidations

Jumping into the unknown is very challenging and it is also, very daring and exciting. You feel like the king of the world doing something completely irrational. You have yourself convinced that this is it, you have all the answers. If you make the jump, look unknown with the unblinking eyes… you will have the solutions to your problems.

Well, none of that is true or rather, most of this is bollocks as it turns out.

When you do something without much planning, it will not make sense and you need to become quick to adapt. I got to Almeria and what I was struck by was not the sunny weather or the beauty of the beach or the chance to watch the stars at night. No, I was struck by the stupidity of my behaviour and the terrifying thought that I had been wrong all.

It didn’t help that my American Express credit card has stopped working (!!!) and no one here speaks English. It was frustrating and it led me to alcohol. Now, some people may say I have an alcohol problem. I don’t think I do. I like to drink. But wait, this isn’t supposed to be a reflection on my alcoholism status.

I ate food that I didn’t really enjoy and drinks that didn’t fill me up. I think maybe it is the water here. Nothing seems great. What I am trying to say is, when people told me: “I hope you find what you’re looking for” and I thought I might find it here. Now, I have trepidation about everything. I felt most comfortable when there was a work issue and I could resolve it.

So, I’ve got some new questions for myself now:

• Am I too scared to actually step out of my comfort zone and all of this yet has been a clever ruse?

• Am I lying to myself that I am brave or am actually a coward for doing this?

• Would I chicken out halfway and run back home to the familiar?

As the song goes, the rest is still unwritten.'

P.S. This is the end of daily blogs, I will blog again but only when I have things more stories to share and my thought process is fully internalised.

#almeria why so quiet? I am here, can we party please?