Love

“You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.”

- Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I struggle with one thing

It is my biggest flaw

I struggle with love

It constantly breaks

My fucking heart.

It is not that it happens often

It is not that it happens to me

It is just that it doesn’t happen

In every way

I expect it to be.

Words would not express

Not all I have any

Was my love ever really true

Is the question that haunts me

Every other day.

This poem is very whiny

I didn’t mean it to be

This fucking depresses me

I cannot get over the state

It has left me in.

It is not about love really

It is really about me

No one person broke my heart

I think I broke it

Somehow.

Being stuck inside your head

Leads to spiral thoughts

I found in those spirals

Love’s quest I liked to be

And end in misery.

And yet, I curse love and others

I curse and push away all that’s good

It is in my innate nature to love boundless

And then expect it out of monoliths

To return me timeless.

They say it gets easier on your next try

Once you fail and bruise, it hurts less next time

Though all I feel now is as real as it can be

If there was a way to walk away

I’d do it in a heart beat.